Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
