You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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