im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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