we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize