I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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