Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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