That's when you crack a 10am beer
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
