he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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