Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
