I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize