No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Randomize
