i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
