I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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