so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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