how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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