i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
