Non-Jews are for practice
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
