It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
