After last night, I could never be a politician.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize