Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
