The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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