I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My dick has a subreddit
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
