I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
did i walk over a car last night?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
