Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
