what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
