we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
