I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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