Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
