hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
