my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
