sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize