I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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