alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
