I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Randomize
