I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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