Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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