I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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