i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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