that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
