Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
