Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
