At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
