once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
