is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
