my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
