i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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