I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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