My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
