he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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