He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
is wine microwaveable?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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