I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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