she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
