loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize