taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
