so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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