my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
