i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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