remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
