He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
